Thursday, January 28, 2010

BREAKING NEWS!

By Ronn Burner • on January 28, 2010

Joey Porter is not happy. He is frustrated and wants out of Miami. Pfft. So? He should be cut before I even finish this sentence.

Forget the logistics of his contract, which alone should make for the obvious “It’s been fun but…” chat but just the fact he has the audacity to rock the very boat that the other 52 guys fought all year to keep afloat is grounds enough to send him packing. In fact, there have been several reports that coaches and teammates alike treaded lightly this past season in a collective i.e. “for the betterment of the team” attempt to not “rock the Joey boat.” It’s just comical to me. Who does he think he is, The Artist Formerly Known as Prince but then Wasn’t and Now is Again? I’m sure that conversation with Bill Parcells, Tony Sparano and Jeff Ireland went about as well as 95% of those American Idol auditions.

PORTER: “No Bill, I really AM the next Lawrence Taylor!”

PARCELLS: (In a british accent trying to make Tony and Jeff laugh.) “Um, no you’re not. Your play was complete and utter rubbish. Thanks for trying. Off you go. Security.”

There’s a time and a need for all things. We got Porter way back in 2007 and at the time he was exactly the type of player we desperately needed and I loved what he brought to our franchise. For that I will always appreciate the productivity, energy and attitude he brought to the field. The man was a beast in his prime but Pittsburgh dumped him when the erosion had already begun. His intensity, passion, fire, drive, confidence and swagger were unmatched. I do not take away the amazing season he had in 2008 with 17.5 sacks and the Joey Porter in his prime will always be a player I revered. That was then, this is now.

The Joey Porter we have today is a 32 year old, selfish, polarizing, controversial, distracting, injury prone, disruptive team cancer that is displeased with how he is being utilized. There’s also a negative side. He does not produce on the field.

Porter is scheduled to earn a base salary of $3.8 million in 2010, plus a $200,000 workout bonus. Huh? A workout bonus? So we’re going to pay you millions to underachieve for us and bitch at us for it then we’ll throw in a quarter of a million extra for you just for showing up for your job.

If Miami releases Porter, the team owes him nothing.

So let me get this straight, we can keep our locker room cancer and it’s going to cost us $4 million next year or we can be cancer free by getting figurative chemotherapy at no charge. Zero penalties. Costing us nothing. No catch. No strings attached.

This is a Ponzi scam right?

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

ESPN Recognizes my Writing

By Ronn Burner • on January 26, 2010

ESPN acknowledged my article about the “Dolphins Making Lemonade” by featuring it on a SportsNation segment called “Blogging the Nation”. Pretty cool. You never know who is reading this stuff. Granted, they read it from their own blogs I posted it on but, nevertheless, they chose it. My alias is and has always been 2hollywood2. It’s not as cool as “Call sign: Viper.” but it works.

http://espn.go.com/sportsnation/post/_/id/4845096/blogging-nation

Aw, shucks.

Dolphins are Looking Better as each Day Passes

By Ronn Burner • on January 26, 2010

In lieu of the announcement this week that Dolphins Safety Yeremiah Bell was selected as an alternate to the Pro Bowl it got me thinking. Why are we getting so lucky all off the sudden? Someone from our secondary was elected to the Pro Bowl? Ok, where’s Ashton Kutcher? I’m not saying Bell isn’t a good player getting better but is he really amongst the top 5 out of 32 safeties in the AFC? Hey, I’m not complaining, I’m just saying. It just feels like the Dolphins have been recently surrounded with positive energy. Good things are happening. There’s just a weird front of positive energy blowing through Miami that we haven’t felt in years. Does anybody else feel this? Am I wrong? Seriously, I have huge drinking problem so sometimes my radar is way off. I once thought Neve Campbell was the hottest chick on the planet. Don’t judge me.

We’re not used to this and losing to the Pittsburgh Steelers in Week 17 was the “official” end of the Dolphins rise and inevitable fall in 2009. At the time, things looked bleak. A three game losing streak knocked them so far out of the playoffs they shouldn’t have even been allowed to watch them, the Jets (whom we swept) were winning, our defense was treating ball carriers the way a rodeo clown treats the bull, Ched Henne gets that phantom “eye injury”, Pat White got hit so hard his kids are going to walk with a limp, when Ted Ginn ran onto the field it wasn’t to get the tee and Conan O’Brien was still stuck on the sinking NBC ship. It was dark times. It appeared that Miami still had a long way to go to reach the so-called “elite” status. Bookending the season with 0-3 runs is hardly a ringing endorsement for being a contender the following year. Where do we go from here and where do we even start?

What a difference a few weeks make. Peyton Manning and company opened a can on the Jets (whom we swept) and euphoria ensued. Paul Pasqualoni, rightly or wrongly, was blamed for the defensive, ahem, performance thus sending him to the front of the unemployment line. Our search to land his replacement went about as well as my search to land a celebrity date from the bleachers at the Emmy Awards last week. At least I actually talked to my targets.

Fade out Miami, Fade in Denver. Broncos Defensive Coordinator, Mike Nolan, and Head Coach Mike McCarthy abruptly and “cordially agree to go their separate ways” i.e. they &*%@ing hate each other. Whatever, don’t care. Fade out Denver, Fade in Miami. Bam! Like a Genie in a bottle we land, if nothing else, the best dressed Defensive Coordinator in all of football. All kidding aside (for as long as I can take it anyway) and within the context of sports, Nolan is a godsend. Our defensive struggles are well documented and Nolan, a firm believer in the 3-4 (Hey, don’t we run the 3-4?) took Denver from 29th in the league to 7th and the Broncos forced 30 turnovers, 17 more than the 13 they had the previous year. In doing so he took the undersized 5’11 Elvis Dumerville and transformed him into the 2009 NFL Sack King. Cameron Wake plays the same position and had 5 ½ on a fraction of the snaps. If we extrapolated the numbers then Wake would have something like 147 sacks next year. That would be totally awesome.

Even in the playoffs the Dolphins are still benefiting from the positive energy bug. Don’t belief, pride, resilience, heart, hunger and confidence move mountains in the NFL? Just look at what the Jets (whom we swept) accomplished with their loose-lipped Head Coach, still wet behind the ear quarterback and the only receiver in the NFL that even Ted Ginn makes fun of. The thing is they drank their own Kool-Aid and that alone can take you places where magical things can happen. Just hope when you get there Peyton Manning isn’t standing there waiting with that stroke face smirk of his. Cause then you’re @%*&^#.

My point is look at the so-called four best teams in the NFL. The New York Jets (whom we swept) advanced to the AFC Championship game riding on the belief instilled by their lippy rotund Coach. Players, fans, coaches and phony celebrity owners are well aware of the fact that we swept them. Dear Mr. Ryan, I think I can speak for all Dolfans when I say that we would like to offer you a Coke and a smile. Sincerely, The Broom Crew, The Sweep the Leg Gang or The Mop Squad, whichever you prefer. Sorry gravy is extra.

The Dolphins had Corky Manning (Did that cross a line? I don’t even know. If so, I blame the Editor) and the Indianapolis Colts on the ropes with a 23-20 lead with only 3:19 left in the game until Pierre Garcon took a simple jail break screen pass 48 yards for the game winner. Chad Pennington actually still gave Miami a chance to win with a strike that ricocheted so hard of Ginn’s hands it looked like he was trying to block a shot – Ted Ginn Jr. Great googly moogly. And I’m back. - Miami held the ball for 45:07 to the Colts 14:53 (dry heave). Then the New Orleans Saints came marching in with their unstoppable offense and Miami jumped on them like they were our prom date mounting (pun intended) a 24-3 lead only to see a bevy of errors by the players, coaching staff and officiating crew flip us over with no Vaseline. And you can bet your bottom dollar that had we played the Minnesota Vikings we would have been in the game right up until Ginn dropped a pass, Sparano made a bonehead decision, Ricky fumbled or our defense gave up a 40 yard quarterback sneak.

What’s my point? Well, it’s simple. We were literally 1 play away from beating both the 2009-10 Super Bowl XXXXIIII, er, XXXXIV, argh, 44 Champions and the eventual loser in addition to sweeping the AFC runner-up.

If that doesn’t instill supreme confidence in our 2010 chances than nothing short of Dan Marino strapping the pads back on will.

Don’t lie, Neve Campbell was sort of hot in “Wild Things”.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Dolphins ‘09 Lemons = 2010 Lemonade

By Ronn Burner • on January 18, 2010

Doesn’t writing a “Season in Review” article in December tell you all you really need to know about the season? Yeah, I know we’re well into January but I could have written this in December. I think you get my point. I needed that time to step back and reflect on the season that was.

It would be easy to sit here and go Christian Bale on the Dolphins for treating our emotions like a baby treats a diaper but after the dust settled from their end of season implosion I realized that we actually overachieved. Instead I have 10 reasons why 2009 was a success. Don’t get me wrong, Miami sent me into Tasmanian spins all year long but now that it’s over there is reason to believe that anything less than a playoff run in 2010 would be a failure of “Waterworld” proportions. Our dry land is the AFC East title.

Just to briefly recap the season, Miami finished the year a disappointing 7-9 but in all fairness the expectations heading into the year were really not much more than that. Let’s be honest, 10-6 looked like a pipe dream, 9-7 looked optimistic, 8-8 looked realistic and 7-9 looked probable. That assessment looked on point after an 0-3 start to the year getting dominated in Atlanta, losing in heartbreaking fashion at home to the Colts on Monday Night Football followed by another tough loss and long flight home from San Diego. Our disappointment isn’t because Miami finished at 7-9 and out of the playoffs. It’s because they tricked us into thinking we were something we were not. It’s because the resilient Dolphins fought like crazy and sucked us back in by proving they can beat anybody by going 7-3 over their next 10 putting us at 7-6 and not only in the Wild Card driver seat but with their sights set on defending their AFC East crown. I literally wrote the Dolphins off after they completely fell apart in the 4th quarter getting blown out by the Buffalo Bills, yes those Buffalo Bills, in Week 12. It was actually relieving, the season was over and I had moved on until they shockingly beat the New England Patriots the following week and sucking us all right back into the drama. All of the sudden, we were not only in the thick of things but we were in the driver seat and controlled our own destiny with what appeared to be a very manageable remaining schedule. Reality check, Miami drops three must-win games in a row that put the kibosh on that notion real quick thus leaving us let down and frustrated. It’s not all for naught though my fellow Dolfans. Growing pains. Remember, Peyton Manning once threw 28 interceptions in a season. I know!

It’s time to make lemonade…

1. Schedule. Based on last years records, we had the toughest schedule in the NFL, against the top Quarterbacks in the league including Drew Brees, Manning, Phillip Rivers, Ben Roethlisberger, Tom Brady twice and that doesn’t even include Matt Ryan and Matt Schaub. In fact, if you throw Mark Sanchez in the mix, Miami faced 3 of the 4 quarterbacks still alive in the playoffs. No doubt that these guys had their successes but considering we had two rookie corners starting Miami held their own and got much needed experience against the best. Oh yeah, and we had to play 3 games in 11 days, with two of them on the road including 2 games in 4 days. An absolutely brutal stretch even though we won two of those games. We earned that first place schedule by winning the AFC east in 2008 just like we will have earned next years 3rd place and much easier schedule… allegedly. Home games include Detroit, Chicago, Tennessee, Pittsburgh and Cleveland while we travel to Baltimore, Cincinnati Oakland, Green Bay and Minnesota plus the usual division home and away with New England, Buffalo and the New York Jets. It’s completely insane to predict possible outcomes at this point since we clearly have no idea how things will change between now and then but on the surface it should be a much easier road.
2. Injuries. Name another team in the NFL that could have done better than 7-9 after losing their Pro Bowl quarterback, running back, cornerback, best defensive lineman and played musical chairs on a MASH unit offensive line? You can’t, because nobody had this amount of injuries and even if they did they wouldn’t have won 7 games with ample opportunities to win several more.
3. Lack of Big Plays. It’s hard enough to win in this league with a playmaker and damn near impossible to win without one. Miami didn’t have one. We all hoped it would be Ted Ginn until he proved the Venus de Milo had better hands than he does. Google it. We’re all stupid. He had numerous opportunities to make a play at wide receiver and failed each and every time. Who could forget his pathetic effort on the game-winning touchdown against Indianapolis and his dropped touchdown against San Diego? Granted, he single handedly won the game against the Jets with two kickoff returns for touchdowns but that was a complete aberration. He was a complete non-factor in the kicking game other than that game and was a joke at receiver for 15 of 16 games. I’m done blaming Ginn, it’s not his fault. It’s ours for thinking he could be the guy over and over and over again expecting a different result. Isn’t that the definition of insanity? He just flat out doesn’t have the components to ever be a quality football player and despite reports that he will be in Miami next year I will be shocked if he is.
4. More Stupidity and old-fashioned bad luck. Blown calls are part of the game but nothing hurts more than losing a huge game to the New Orleans Saints after mounting a 24-3 first half home lead only to see a bonehead timeout by Tony Sparano just before the half give Sean Payton time to reconsider his field goal attempt from the 1 giving the Saints a touchdown instead of 3. Ok, that was just stupidity, not bad luck but early in the 3rd quarter Darren Sharper picked off Henne and returned it for what appeared to be a touchdown. The replay clearly showed a Sharper fumble at the 2 through the end zone in what should have resulted in a touchback giving Miami the ball at the 20. Instead New Orleans got the touchdown ultimately costing Miami the game. Sure, there were many other opportunities to win that game but the game was over after that play. Clock management, the two-minute offense and play calling (Ummm… Ricky Williams interception from the 3 yard line) were all at the very least embarrassing.
5. Turnovers. In 2008 Miami set an NFL record with a grand total of only 13 turnovers and finished 1st in the league with a +17 turnover ratio. In 2009 Miami had 29 turnovers and finished 27th with -8 turnover ratio. That is a remarkable turnaround. Enough said. That cannot and will not happen in 2010. If it does, we’ll be having this conversation again next year and again and again until it doesn’t.
6. Key Stats. Offensively, Miami finished 1st in the league in plays from scrimmage (1088), tied for 1st on 3rd down percentage (49%), #2 on 4th down (72%) converting on 13 of 18 tries, tied for #4 in fewest penalties, #8 in time of possession (32:01). All great stats but unfortunately other than being 4th in 3rd down percentage (35%) the defensive unit finished in the middle of the pack across the board and ultimately resulting in the firing of DC Paul Pasqualoni. Unless your goal is a top 10 draft pick every year this has to improve… significantly.
7. Draft. 7-9 puts us at #12 and #44 overall. 9-7 puts us at #24 and #56 overall. #12 and #44 is way better.

8. The Magnificent 7 and 7. An important year in the maturity of Chad Henne, Jake Long, Vontae Davis, Sean Smith, Brian Hartline, Nate Garner and Randy Starks. A very young and talented core group of players that should be the heart and soul of the Dolphins for a decade. These next seven have the potential to become special and/or vital cogs as well, Losake Polite, Cameron Wake, Davone Bess, Justin Smiley, Donald Thomas, Kendall Langford and Phillip Merling. Not to mention we are set at kicker with Dan Carpenter and Punter with Brandon Fields. An excellent nucleus to build around.
9. Uncapped Free Agency Market. Miami has plenty of cap space as it is and clearly has shown a willingness to spend money unless of course it’s for stadium upgrades. Anquan Boldin, Vincent Jackson, Brandon Marshall, Miles Austin and Vince Wolfork to name a few are not officially locked down and although the Tuna is not likely to splurge the Dolphins are expected to be active and in desperate need of plugging holes via Free Agency and the trading block.
10. Year 3. We are entering year 3 of the Tuna. With a healthy Will Allen and Jason Ferguson returning with second year standouts Sean Smith and Vontae Davis with a year under their belts there is no reason to think Miami will not be improved across the board. It’s rare to not have one position that may take a drop off, in Miami’s case improvement is all but certain in all position units.

Taking all of these things into consideration makes it difficult not to expect an excellent 2010 campaign. Many decisions have to be made and each one affects the next. As I see it there are 4 major areas of concern that must be addressed one way or another. The most obvious and glaring holes in the Dolphins armor that will be off-season priorities.

1. Playmaking Wide Receiver. At this point, I’m just sick of talking about it. Boldin, Marshall, Miles, Jackson, Dez Bryant (OSU), Arrelious Benn (Ill.), Damian Williams, Orande Gadsen, Martha Stewart, the Hamburger Helper glove or anybody, somebody has to come in and not only take Ginn’s roster spot but instill fear in opposing cornerbacks, including Darrelle Revis, the moment they sign.
2. Free Safety. Gibril Wilson may as well catch a ride with Ginn out of town and go bowling or something and if they somehow survive the chopping block they’re going to need a deck of cards to play “War” and pass their time together on the bench. Due in large part to Wilson’s poor play, the Dolphins secondary was about as sound as using a basketball net as a canteen. It would be difficult to replace him and not consider it an upgrade.
3. Middle Linebacker. Channing Crowder is an above average linebacker at best against the run and a flat out liability in pass defense. Akin Ayodele is a decent player but he’s not the guy that is going to lead your 3-4 defense in tackles, rush the passer and defend the pass. With Parcells and Sparano at the helm rest assured Miami will find at least one linebacker that they do believe will be that guy. If Alabama star Rolando McClain slips to #12 consider this hole plugged.
4. Nose Tackle. It isn’t an accident that the Dolphins top 5 rated rush defense dropped faster than Obama’s approval rating after losing Jason Ferguson for the season. He is a stud and when he’s healthy he dominates and makes Crowder and Ayodele appear to be very good linebackers. The problem is, at 35 years old, he isn’t exactly a spring chicken and his health will always be a concern. It also raises the question of how important does Parcells feel Jason Taylor and Joey Porter are to the future of the team.
5. Running Back.
Ronnie Brown is a do-it-all beast of a running back when he is at 100%. Nobody can deny that. The issue has been his durability since he’s only managed to get through one season without missing games. Ricky Williams stepped in admirably and went over 1000 yards for the first time since 2003. Though he is a young 32 in running back years, he is still 32 years old. Brown is still only 28 years old so he should definitely have plenty in the tank but injury concerns and his contract situation are a couple of 800 lb. gorillas. Essentially, if the NFLPA and the league’s owners reach a new CBA before March (the current CBA will expire after the 2010 season), Brown would become an unrestricted free agent — and he could leave Miami for a bigger contract elsewhere. But if a new CBA is not reached (which looks inevitable), Brown will be under contract with the Dolphins for another year, and he would be paid a $5 million salary, unless of coarse Jay Leno wants to play running back for Miami. Either way, another running back will likely be added for depth to protect the oft injured Brown, aging Williams and fresh off the Injured Reserve list, Patrick Cobbs. Lex Hilliard is a nice player but he can’t do what we need from our feature back. Come to think of it, neither can Leno.